Foreplay:Features

Cuts Both Ways

If you're the kind of man who is triggered by women speaking about their desire for sex or their negative experiences with males, go away now. I'll wait while you hit the back button and go look at my ass instead...

To the more evolved, secure and inwardly masculine men who actually like women, thank you for staying. I do appreciate you. Get comfortable, you're in for a long read.

Men...Romantic involvement...Sexual entanglement...Big topic. Especially if you're a woman who desires them and has been dealing with them for for nearly half a century.

Where do we begin? With the basics...

Labels

Some people hate labels. Others love them. In certain contexts, they serve no purpose other than to make matter worse or adding complications. In other settings, they're helpful, useful or downright necessary.

I'm going to label myself here and now to make things plain and simple - the way I like them.

I'm female. I was born this way. For these intents and purposes, I'm predominantly sexually attracted to men. Male minds and desires are what really float my boat.

I don't really care what eye, skin or hair (if you have any) colour you have. I don't care if you have hair or not. Your height doesn't matter that much either. Your salary bracket is immaterial to me. I have no interest in men's money.

My attraction is not really based on any of these things. 

My libido drives me to distraction every damn second I'm awake. My attraction depends on far more than looks, cars and bank balances, though, which causes me great problems.

Before zeroing in on the main point I want to make, I have to say that my feelings apply to all people, no matter their gender, sexuality, age, colour, ethnicity, financial status...Strip away all the things that do not fundamentally matter, I do not understand our species and our individual or collective choices and behaviours. 

The older I've become, the more life experiences and observations I amass, the less I comprehend humans, and the less I interact with them on a personal basis - online and particularly in real, actual physical existence. 

Historically, I have found that people feel more attached to me than I do to them. It's almost perverse, though, because I have found that their attachment or pseudo-bond is based upon them receiving some sort of support of help from me. When they have struggles, are troubled, that is when their attachment seems strongest. over the years, I've helped many people in various ways, when they lacked the strength or the necessary knowledge to help themselves out of whatever situation they're drowning in.

But it's very much a one-way street, and the same support is not reflected or returned to me. So how secure and genuine an attachment can it be? They are attached to what I can give them, not to me. Despite this, for a time, they feel like they know me. Really know me. In part, they may. A few do.  Did. To varying depths and degrees. 

The majority, though, from my perspective, do not know the deeper parts of my character or my personal thoughts. It hasn't been for the want of trying in the past, but my nature is far more private than it may at first appear. 

I do not share the predominant portion of my personal thoughts and feelings with anyone. regardless of how open I am perceived as being via my online communications and creations.

The person I've spent the most time with over the last eight or nine years agrees that even he doesn't know much of my entire picture and sees how I compartmentalise my life and any people in it, even just digitally. 

Discretion is not difficult for me. People have long trusted me with their secrets and the unwavering ability to respect them. In university, my tiny bedroom in halls was likened to a confessional box, such were the number of people sitting within its walls, spewing their secrets out at me, looking for some sort of succour and absolution from their actions, their impacts - or to offload the worst parts of their emotions...

Why have I told you this? Because I need you to grasp that any scorn you may pick up from my words applies to everyone, not only men. 

But, as this site is based on issues of the erotic, and as my sexual dealings have been predominantly with males, men are going to be my focus. 

And, yes,  know it's not all men, blah b b blah blah blah, triggered butthurt...But after batting off advances, attentions and the assholery of males since I was a toddler - yes, a toddler - I am speaking with a very firm foundation of nearly fifty years of knowledge upon which my femininity, sexuality and womanhood grew and stands.

Just about.

My knees are scarred and bruised, such have men brought me to them with their lifetime of psychological, emotional and physical fuckery. It's strange, I find, that certain types of men dismiss the decades of inter-gender experiences women have had, yet in any other area of life, these years would amount to an expertise and opinion that is trusted and valued. When it's men who are dismissing and denying these experiences, though, they just prove our point even more soundly.

Sadly. 

Just saying. 

So, what's the issue I'm trying to get at?

I'm sick of saying 'no'

to people I want to

say 'yes' to.

Especially those who ask for a position in my life...

The Big Issue

The big issue for me is this - how hard is to get fucked by the same person over a course of a number of months, without there being a romantic end goal, other than the fucking?

I'll be more precise. It's not just sex. That is the basis of the arrangement, but around the sex there needs to be the ability to hang out as humans; chat, laugh and enjoy each other's company mentally, as well as ongoing mutual respect.  That was referred to as Friends With Benefits, right?

No. It's not quite that for me.

For me, it needs to be a little bit deeper psychologically, but a bit more detached emotionally that a friendship requires.

Confused? So am I.

I'm confused as to why so many men seem to think that you cannot fuck a woman without her falling for you. I do not want 'love', as you'll see further explained in 'Wanker' when that is unlocked and ready for you to read as I keep rebuilding this website. 

When I were younger, different things were my goal. I wanted a monogamous relationship that lasted. After seven years in an abusive relationship that was six-and-a-half years too long and not my first run-in with domestic abuse, that changed. That fundamentally and permanently changed. My ability to compartmentalise kicked-in and grew in strength and speed as I rediscovered things about myself decades of abuse from all corners of my life had hidden and supressed.

I found my love of music again and took it further, learning how to make tunes on my machine. I remembered that I love dancing, even though it hurts. I could sleep again without worry or fear of what my 'partner' would do to me in that vulnerable state - and then blame me for initiating...

I could do whatever I wanted (around my motherhood and bodily limitations), whenever I wanted, however I wanted, with whomever I wanted. It changed my internal thinking forever. Everyone has a limit. I learned to shorten and enforce mine, no matter the upset it causes the other party - and myself.

And it does cause upset. To people I shut out and to myself.

I'm sick of saying 'no' to people I want to say 'yes' to. Especially those who ask for a position in my life - masquerading as wanting more than a piece of my vagina, or at least selling the idea that they'll regularly service it. It's boring. A boring waste of time and my precious energy. 

I need someone and something I can sink my teeth into sexually. Repeatedly. 



I also think that most men think they can fuck us into feelings for other reasons too. This is where the butthurt may come in...

If a man has ignited my sexual attraction, he's a few things, starting with special in some way. They possess something a little special to me, if nobody else. A je ne sais quoi that is usually linked to some sort of deviance in their sexuality - or even a hint of it.

I explain this further in the currently unpublished 'Wanker', I've spoken to 2000-3000 men online in the last 16 years (including a 7 year hiatus).

I decided to meet five of them. 

No, online dating is not a stranger to me. It was how I met that seven-year abusive relationship. Before anybody rolls their eyes and blames internet connection for that, my partners previous to him and I met in person and they go much better.

Blame the man, not the technology...

I started in it when there was still a sense of shame attached to the very idea you were talking to people in the virtual world. When people would still wrinkle their noses and shake their heads at you, despite them having never given it a go - so how would they know?

Times, they have a'changed.

So, out of the thousands, I've met up with only five.

One was a long and horrible relationship.

One was platonic.

One of them was a lot younger than me. Seventeen years, to be precise, seating him in his twenties. I did not let him put his penis inside me, but he gave me a high calibre fingering given his tender age. Shhhhhhhh!

I was younger then too.

One of the two left was a really close friend who became more. The anniversary of his death is coming up. He died a couple of days before he was due to move closer to where I live. We had been discussing a future, even if it does seem so unlikely on paper - yep, another age gap...Which is why I fought hard to stay in his Friend Zone.

We were creative partners too, writing a website story together that crosses over into our reality (see it at myone-daylove.com).

A postmodern tale ending in torture and tragedy.

I miss him beyond measure. He would listen to me talk about things I don't feel comfortable talking about with any other person walking this planet.

None of my friends knew about him until after his death.

He is still the man my emotions lie with. He is the reason my compartments are stronger than ever, and I do not want a highly emotional involvement.

The more men I interact with on whatever level, the more they make me miss him. 

Then there is number five, who was a complete pain in the ass, if enjoyable. Annoyingly enjoyable - I refer you to what I said earlier about saying no when I want to say yes.

It seems that most men think they'll fuck us into falling for them, and there are sound biological reasons behind this.. Make us cum enough, give us enough hugs, our brains will release enough chemicals (including oxytocin) to create what we interpret as love or attachment before enough time and trust has passed between us for there to be real love. 

But I also think that most men think they can fuck us into feelings for other reasons too.

This is where the butthurt may come in...

One known commonality between male brains is arrogance. It is. Most men have the arrogance to tell women things they already knew, thinking they know better than the woman who may be far more qualified and knowledgeable than the Mansplainer, because he is a he. 

Today, we call it audacity. It's the men who sit down bitching at us, telling women what women are, what they should be. Who place it all at our feet and refuse to look at the science behind the statistics and the proof that is in the pudding that they want to eat. 

Allegedly. 

It seems that many 'straight' men actually need to come out of the closet and find themselves a man to fuck, because they do not like ladies.

They don't.

They have demonised us because of their own hurt, maybe, their rejections, their own negative experiences - or what they perceive as negative experiences.

By this, I mean that they don't see their behaviour as inappropriate or intimidating, they only gage females' negative reactions to it as unfair or unwarranted, hence they become a victim of evil females bent on consistently rejecting them.

It could not possibly be him. It is all them, the women. As if we owe men attention and attraction - even a thank you if you say something sexual about our appearance that we really don't want or need to know. 

There are undoubtedly men who do suffer at feminine hands. There are more who cause feminine suffering. 

Social science had more than clearly documented the issues caused by misogynistic men. Unfortunately, even those who label themselves as 'Good Men' display levels of ingrained misogyny, despite their apparently woke thinking.

Let's cut to a conversation I had with a male earlier this year - number five, in fact. I did fuck him after this conversation. And then I did fuck him again after this day...Don't judge. I told you my libido drives me insane...

Why I did I fuck Number Five?

Because I compartmentalise and he was not about emotional involvement and growing. I don't want that, and I didn't want that with him. Even this seems hard for some people to believe, although I know what I know myself best, along with what I want to give to others. 

Number Five and I were looking at pictures of feet so I could observe his sexual psyche a little more and apply any ideas that came of the scroll to this project. He didn't tell me much I didn't already know from past experience, and it seems that he had already decided that I was a Foot Virgin anyway.

I was happy to let him draw whatever conclusions he preferred.

After all, even they spoke volumes of his sexuality and what turns him on - in this instance, being the man to take my Foot Virginity. If that concept aroused him, let him have it.

However, he said something that stuck in my ears like a thorn caught from a tree...

"If she's wearing that, then she wants attention, you know?"

Hmmmm...Oh, I know.

I know misogyny and arrogant entitlement when I hear it. Yes, I. Do.

The very idea that women want any man's attention, especially if she does not know him, stems from the men who think it thinking that we find them attractive.

That we want their specific attention and advances. 

We cannot simply wear what we want to wear and it be about us.

About our sense and enjoyment of our own femininity.

No.

Because we are conceited bitches if we dare to enjoy our femininity and, if a woman looks good, if men find her attractive, then it is about them. 

That is the arrogant and deluded assumption that piece of crap is based on.

Either way, it's a lose-lose for us.

Tip: Most of us do not want your unsolicited attention, and we certainly do not choose our clothes based on the responses of men we've never met and never will meet. Let alone fuck. 

Understood?

Good.

To which I respond:

What makes you so superior that women who don't know you, probably don't want to, desire your attention?

Being bedbound for nearly a decade meant I didn't go out much. I still washed and styled my hair when I could. I still shaved my legs, pits, bikini line. I still kept my feet soft and their nails painted...Despite deciding that I would remain single for the rest of my life and no man would see me. 

It was about how all of that made me feel.

It was about how it all enforced my sense of femininity. 

What's wrong with wanting to feel more feminine?

What would be so wrong about a straight female wanting a straight male's attention anyway?  Isn't that a compliment to straight men?

What is wrong with women wanting a sexual situation that involves more than just rubbing body parts, but does not and never will include stereotypical 'love'?

Had it been our first date, it may well have been our last for me.

But it didn't matter in the moment, because his sexuality matched mine so well. Well, to a point...I see immaturity when it is in front of me, but unworried about and unwanting growth, it didn't matter. Simple. You'd think.

I said nothing. No point.

I did, though, take a breath and think of his daughter. He has a huge double-standard. I doubt very much that he would want another man looking at or speaking of his daughter the same way he looks at and speaks of other women. Or me. 

He wouldn't want his daughter to be treated the way he treats women. He probably wouldn't want her to dress the same way the women he wanks over do.   

He wouldn't want grown men looking at her concluding that she is asking for it.

She will have to deal with men, regardless of her sexuality. And while he may think his sexcapades are without her awareness or knowledge, I'd say he vastly underestimates what she sees in him. That's men for you - often not seeing what females see...

If he hasn't already, he will have arguments with her over what she can or cannot wear because of her 'wanting attention', due to his view on how 'certain kinds' (read 'sluts' - he likes sluts) of women dress.

The kinds of women who dress the way that give him a hard dick and make his balls twitch?

The kinds he'd love to control?

No.

Big no.

His daughter must never look like them. Nothing like them. He wants them on their back, legs open, mouth shut. But his daughter? 

Trust me. I've seen it all before.  And Karma's a bitch.

He and millions of males like him who are attached to looks and care not about the person inside the body with the holes, look at women and think two things: 'Damn! I would', closely followed by 'Bitch! Slut just wants my attention/our attention'.

To which I respond:

What makes you so superior that women who don't know you, probably don't want to, desire your attention?

Being bedbound for nearly a decade meant I didn't go out much.

I still washed and styled my hair when I could. I still shaved my legs, pits, bikini line. I still kept my feet soft and their nails painted...Despite deciding that I would remain single for the rest of my life and no man would see me. 

It was about how all of that made me feel.

It was about how it all enforced my sense of femininity. 

What's wrong with wanting to feel more feminine?

And anyway, what is so wrong about a straight woman wanting the attention of straight male men - especially if she's hoping to meet a special one?  Isn't that basic biology and flattering to straight men?

Bitching about women in this way is like straight men saying that they are repellent and not to be wanted, that their attention is undesirable and if we want it, there's something wrong with us because there's something wrong with straight men - something wrong with you. 

Take from that what you will - we women know that there is a lot wrong with many straight men.

We have the fatherless children and physical, emotional and repeated injuries to prove it. 

What is wrong with women wanting a sexual situation that involves more than just rubbing body parts, but does not and never will include stereotypical 'love'?

Why is it so hard for men to believe us when we say we do not want to be emotionally invested in them or the connection, while we do want to devour their bodies on a regular basis?

I think it ties in to the same insecure and

egotistical arrogance that toxic men project on to women for what they're wearing. They're convinced that if they fuck us well (which most don't, because that takes time, but see 'Fuck Boi' when it arrives on site) we will want or expect emotional development from them. 

They make it more complicated than it needs to be. This is where we need to be heard and believed, and we need honesty. There are some women who will say they don't want love when that is what they're hoping for, they too thinking it's possible to fuck a person in to loving you. 

It's not.   

But men need to learn and accept that when it comes to emotionally detached sex,

it cuts both ways.